This series of unfortunate events has gotten a bit out of hand I think.
It's time things calmed down.. I'm still trying to figure out what there
is to conclude and do better, but the only thing that comes to mind..is
a blank. Either I have to justify it by boosting my "everything happens
for a reason" theory or I just need to chill the F down and stop stressing.
Otherwise I'll end up a restless paranoid person that is hyper for a minute
and then has a break for 5 without the will to do anything.

Or maybe..I just need to change climate, place, surroundings. Or better yet..
A state of mind.

The good news is that I started getting back on track with more creative things
aka attempt to make a sketchbook and a better portfolio. The bad news is that
using the mouse still is a pain in the butt and I need to get well soon-with or
without the utterly incredible wisdom of good-for-nothing-doctors of AaB. If I
ever want to get that paper and go for something new. This waiting has been
a little too exhausting.

I would like to go home, but I know that when I do get there I will be reminded
of why I left in the first place. Which is..part of the whole thing. But I do miss
it sometimes. And I hope I manage someday to stay somewhere more than 3 years without
feeling this exhausting boredom and familiarity of being used to something.

So yeah, I get tired, or bored in the sense of "I need something new", fairly easy.
There's nothing much I can do about it. Until there's something to keep me interested.
In the long run. For longer. For a reason. For something bigger than a plain little..
common something. Now that should be a hint of my big expectations. Stop expecting.
Just accept things as they come and seize not just the day. Seize every breath and
do what you have to do. And be hopeful.

And after this short break of inspirational and whatnot blahhh.. let's go back to
Kant and Descartes. I have a date that has been postponed for a week now.



PS. I had started a livejournal like, in 2005? I even had a blogspot. And both
now are burried in the web cemetery of lost and gone websites/blogs/*insert
preferred term*. When I would re-read what I had written, it would just seem
so stupid. I wasn't really a fan oof traditionally kept journals either. I would
usually just write..rhymes, poems, thoughts.. but not journal-y stuff. So, my point
is, what is this blogging all about? A share-with-the-globe thing of what you like?
Be it websites, links to vidz or whatever? I can do that on facebook, where at least
I can see interaction and it's sort of hidden this whole journal-y thing. So, again.
What is blogging really for? I know we have the web 2.0 and twitter and tons of other
web communities and this and that, but what does it really do to make your life better?
Or more interesting? It's easier with blogs that have a title (e.g. Photography, Sketchblog)
because then you know what to expect. And THAT I like. But everything else? Why publish
your life in a blog when you have Facebook or Myspace? Where it's not just about a blog,
but everything else incorporated? And I'll finish here because I already feel like having
been paid to promote Facebook (which sucks lately with all its stupid errors and poop)
and because I think this is way too long already-weird, since I haven't been writing
consistently in here, let alone putting up such long posts.

I believe. In whatever there is waiting at that next corner. And I hope.
I hope and I want it to be good. Because this cycle needs to get better.

-FIN


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